Avoiding codependent chaos

Dysfunction is a part of life. Anyone who owns a computer or has lived very long with their eyes open knows this full well. Things break down – often. Relationships as well as nations and organizations don’t always work or function as well as they could. Sometimes it seems like they hardly ever do.

Have a look around and you will find conflict and tension, problems here and problems there, situations and issues – conditions that are chronic and costly.

The buck doesn’t always have to stop with you

No, it isn’t just in the Middle East; everyone and everything is affected. From what I can tell, the earth is probably due for some serious maintenance and our entire solar system could use some work too. I try not to think about what might be breaking down in my own body or next door in the Milky Way.

So be encouraged. You are in good company. If things seem to be falling apart all around you it only means that you are a full member of a created order that has taken a wrong turn. You are simply a part of what theologians sometimes refer to as the “fallen” human race.

If you want to always have work and be in demand figure out how to fix something. Become a nurse, a doctor, or an engineer. Consider a career as a mechanic or a carpenter. Get into politics. Become a pastor or a priest. Develop a herbicide or a vaccine. Train to be a police man or women, etc.

The global repair business is and always will be wide open.

In an ideal world, relationships would always be healthy and mutually beneficial. But it doesn’t always work that way. Nobody I know is completely healthy or whole and my friends and acquaintances would surely say the same thing about me. If you happen to bump into someone who has it all together, please write and tell me all about your truly remarkable friend.

Codependency was first observed in proximity to alcoholics. This term originally described relationships that were distorted because of an addiction. How did it work? One person got addicted to a substance while another became addicted to an unhealthy way of dealing with an addict. One person needed alcohol too much and it was destroying their life. Meanwhile, the other person needed to rescue or take excessive responsibility for their alcoholic spouse, etc. And this habit was almost destroying theirs.

People who are codependent need to learn to let go and let others make their own mistakes and take responsibility for their own actions. People who are codependent need to learn how to start living their own lives.

In order to avoid this problem it is a good idea to occasionally ask yourself what you are not responsible for. May I suggest that you are not responsible for everything that takes place in the universe. Some situations in your country or your community or your church or your family or your circle of friends may also be beyond your control. The buck stops somewhere but it doesn’t always have to stop with you. Even if you are leading an organization, you cannot be held responsible for absolutely everything that happens in your organization. Draw a line.

Learn to think and tactfully say, “That is your problem and not mine. You need to deal with it – I don’t.” This may sound cold and selfish to some who are determined to be all things to all people, to rescue everyone and fix everything everywhere, and who delight in pushing themselves towards the edge of another nervous breakdown. But to others this will make perfect sense and come as a great relief.

It is possible to be a caring individual without necessarily becoming codependent. Keep in mind that caring in a codependent sense doesn’t help anybody in the end.

And it certainly won’t help you move ahead and make a difference with your life.

Getting to the other side

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Questions to consider:

So, where are you at right now in your life?

Are you standing on the shore, standing still, when you should be out there on the sea?

Are you wondering where you should be sailing to in the first place?

Are you thinking that you don’t have much to offer, much to give?

Are you feeling like your journey doesn’t matter?

Where are you at right now in your life?

Are you pursuing your potential in every way?

Are you planning to make a difference, working to reach your destination?

Are you struggling simple to stay afloat?

Where are you at right now?

Wherever you are, I hope that this website will help you get to where you need to be, help you take the next step, help you make it – eventually – to the other side.

Growing strong together

What to say that might be of some encouragement to you in your life journey today?

Can I say that even though we have never met, and likely never will, that I am proud to be identified with you? Yes, you. Would it sound too personal to mention that I am privileged to be associated with you? A complete stranger, perhaps. And would it come across as naive or even foolish to add that I know you are going to make a big difference with your life?

Yes, this world will be different – better – because you were here. When you leave this old world there will be a sense of loss. Do you believe that?

It may not mean much for you to hear some guy on the Internet say this. Understandable so. Somebody much more significant in your life should really be saying these words. But if you haven’t heard them for a while, or if you haven’t really been listening when they came, here they are again: “You matter. Your life matters. You have potential. God made you for a purpose. There is something important for you to do while you are here. Try to gain a glimpse of what that might be. Work at it. Find your place. Live your life. Let it shine!”

Moving ahead…slowly

It is better to move ahead slowly in your life than not to move ahead at all. Feeling frustrated at how long everything seems to take? Longing for something new and different in your life? Waiting and wondering if that day will ever come? Be encouraged. Things take time. What you hope to become and accomplish with your life will not happen instantly or overnight. Sometimes it seems to take the sun forever to show up on the horizon to end the night and brighten the day.

Years ago, I worked my way through a life-planning course of sorts with the help of a mentor or a guide. The authors of this particular resource suggested that the period of greatest life influence usually takes place between the age of 40 and 60. If you are over sixty years of age, please do not read this and be discouraged. Life isn’t over yet. You still have much to offer and much to give. But, if you are in the twenty or thirty-something range, remember: It takes quite a few years to produce good wine.

Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can finally find a place where you can truly stand. Once you feel the full weight of the futility of this life, for example, living for the glory of God begins to make sense. What you think is really important when you are 20 is not always what you will value when you are 40. Growing older is, of course, not always synonymous with maturity or growth. But it is often the case that wisdom comes with age.

It is when your vision fades and you are wearing bifocals that you usually begin to see more clearly in other ways.

Be assured that the purpose of this brief post is not to put anyone down. The purpose is rather to remind you that you need to be patient. Patience is a virtue for a variety of reasons. So rather than trying to move ahead too quickly in your life, choose to be content with making a little progress each day.

How to make life more difficult

Let’s face it: Life is far too easy for most people.

Problems are hard to come by – almost impossible to find. Stress is just beyond our grasp. So elusive. Most of you have more friends than you know what to do with, and much more money than you can manage.

Sunshine. Good times. That is likely all you have ever known. But not knowing where to turn, you try to make do the best you can.

Such is life. The trials of this life.

Many have noticed that the entire human story is, more or less, all about living in a state of perpetual bliss. You have noticed too, haven’t you? Happiness and contentment. Peace and joy. Health and prosperity. Harmony and unity. That is what life is mostly all about in this corner of the Milky Way. Isn’t it? It never seems to end, and it is getting old. Life unrolls before us like a red carpet day after day.

Surely, it is time for a change.

Where are you going?

Rather than drone on about the importance of setting goals, I have decided to tell you a little about my goal-setting journey as it relates to the development of Career & Life Direction. That way, you can gain a better sense of how identifying and clarifying goals could make a difference in a variety of areas in your own life.

So, here we go. I have 3 simple goals right now for this website:

1. To improve and expand the service that I offer.

2. To increase the number of people who are interested in this service.

3. To find a way to make this service profitable.

In other words, I am trying to provide a valuable service, to a growing number of people around the world, and eventually make a living in the process.