Building a new life

Adjusting to life in a new country or a new city can be a big challenge. Parachuting so to speak into a new place as an anonymous outsider isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Finding an inviting place to live, physically moving, and then finding your way around are a few initial tasks that require substantial effort. For some, a new language must be quickly acquired. Basic survival conversation skills must be learned. This is huge. For others, a new culture or lifestyle takes some time getting used to. Finding and building healthy relationships in a new place takes even more time. People are similar and yet somehow different, and not always open to outsiders.

Picking up and moving from one place to another may sound exciting, but it is also usually stressful, time consuming, and very expensive. And moving often has a lingering psychological effect. Some days, everything will still feel strange even when somewhat established.

Being the center of attention isn’t advisable long-term but neither is becoming invisible overnight

Not that it is entirely easy to stay put or live anywhere, whether that be in a rustic mountain village or scattered providentially far out along a wilderness frontier or plain. Just ask Samuel de Champlain, the pioneers who arrived on the Prairies over a century ago, or recent immigrants and refugees. For that matter, talk to people settled in suburbia or folks living down the street at the same address for the past 50 years. Problems are a part of life. Moving often creates more problems, but sometimes so can staying in one place. Each scenario likely has its own unique set of challenges and opportunities.

Some places and situations are nonetheless clearly much more difficult than others. But realistically, there will be numerous struggles and obstacles to face throughout 2016 – wherever you happen to live. And so, it would be best for everyone to just plan on that.

Moving to a large urban center, particularly at this time in world history, continues to involve significant challenges. Sitting at our kitchen table, the conversation recently turned towards this timely topic; the consensus being that it was evidently much easier to feel significant or valuable in a smaller and more familiar setting. Whereas in a large city, or a new and culturally distant setting, there is a greater chance of getting lost in all of the activity and feeling insignificant as busy people all around go about their daily lives. There are dangers or extremes on every side. Being the center of attention isn’t advisable long-term but neither is becoming invisible overnight.

In a bustling metropolis there is often a loss of community and a lack of meaningful connection with other people, especially for newcomers. It would be odd not to be noticed or acknowledged in a small village or established community setting. But the situation is often just the opposite in a big city. People pass each other by on the street all the time. This common observation and contrast suggests that transitioning from a healthy, small community to a large and anonymous metropolitan center puts people at risk of being potentially exposed to a type of emotional propaganda. This can happen at the best of times.

The problem, while on the cheerful topic of endless problems, is that we are not living in the best of times. At the risk of sounding dire and grandiose, here is my take on the present situation in the somewhat civilized Western world: As a block or a global group, it is getting to the point where we could soon collectively lack a compelling intellectual framework to build and sustain a healthy society as well as individual lives. Colin Gunton’s old book The One, the Three and the Many comes to mind. Whether or not you agree with this assessment, feeling like your life is insignificant and suspecting that this internal sense is also accurate makes trying to live and relate in a positive way anywhere 10,000 times worse.

So there you have it. Modern mobility, ever-expanding cities, and a confused intelligentsia allegedly represents three parts of a global movement that can quickly drain a core sense of meaning, significance, purpose and personal dignity from our lives. That is, if we let it.

Cities have been around for a long time. This mid-morning discussion wasn’t focused so much on any particular city but rather on modern cities in general – that is, gatherings of large groups of assorted people packed together in close proximity. Whether it’s Frankfurt or Tokyo, Montreal or L.A., people have a mysterious habit of congregating in the same place and on the same relatively small plot of land. This practice may not change any time soon.

Of course instability and less-than-ideal philosophies are nothing new either. How people choose to respond when faced with all three mixed together is what remains to be seen.

Money in my pocket

Money talks. The other day, the money in my pocket spoke up and made me feel important. It said how exceedingly special I was in its presence – or so I thought. Reaching deep down, I grasped hold of a fair amount of cash and coins; a little more than usually was there. Rubbing it between my fingers made me feel good. Somehow, I felt more significant than a moment before.

Suddenly…my life mattered.

How valuable is one plain old person without any money in their pocket? What would most people honestly prefer, ten good friends who are poor or $10,000? Wouldn’t most of us take the money and run? After all, more cash on hand does make a difference. And friends with obvious needs can be inconvenient. Prosperity usually makes a person more popular. So it goes.

Money is like a magnet: People are drawn to it.

Don’t we often feel more important around money? But does money feel important being around us? If we all presented ourselves to a huge pile of cash, would this mound of paper mixed with plastic feel (if it actually could feel) more valuable than before? Probably not. Money is obviously worth something; it symbolizes value. Money doesn’t need anyone to feel important. Or so it seems.

But we humans are always searching for something more significant – a car, a career, a popular person, a place, an accomplishment, etc. – to stand beside. This common and sometimes desperate quest for personal value is based upon significance by association; yes, this appears to be how the system works. Most of us must feel that we are lacking in value on our own. How else can we explain all the jockeying for position that goes on down here?

For that matter, how else can I explain what goes on in my own head?

Recently I returned from traveling to Vancouver. It was an enjoyable trip for a variety of reasons. This journey involved taking a bus, flying on a couple of planes, riding the Skytrain in metro Vancouver, taking a taxi and driving my old Toyota. But how does this west coast adventure relate to the significance by association game?

For starters, Vancouver arguably has more status as a city in Canada than most. Vancouver has the ocean, the mountains, fertile land, rugged beauty, a mild climate, and quite a few fancy people with loads of stuff; the Lower Mainland in British Columbia is a very prosperous place. So it felt good to say where I was going.

And guess which means of transportation provided a little lift in the personal value department along the way? That is, until I regained my sense of sanity. Any ideas? It wasn’t the common taxi or the lowly bus or even that ancient import. No, important people fly or travel in style. Don’t you know. Perhaps if I had flown in on a private jet and hopped on a high-speed Skytrain that would have really been impressive.

What was I thinking?

Not that there is anything essentially wrong with this overall technique or approach. The madness has more to do with what or who we choose to associate ourselves with in order to feel important. Hand a young person an Olympic gold metal over in Sochi, and what has really changed in terms of the core worth of this person? Not much. Having a heavy hunk of bullion may signify speed or strength or victory…but so what? Since when does moving really fast or being the best prove that your life matters?

Core worth must be acquired by way of an association or relationship with something or someone else. But what or who?

Here is a provocative statement to ponder: In one sense, human life does not have intrinsic value. To make it more personal, this means that my life isn’t that important all by itself. Neither is yours. And yes, this implies that being a part of humanity – and being associated with all those grand accomplishments over the years – counts for nothing. After all, how could a relationship with lots of people who lack intrinsic value make your life or mine more valuable?

Ultimately, core meaning and value and purpose and worth is found in relationship to God. Deny this, and secondary things suddenly become way too important.

More money in my pocket doesn’t actually make me more important as a person. Life doesn’t work that way. Each one of us is worth much more than any amount of cash.

The back of the bus

So I am sitting on this bus, a big city bus, bouncing along from one lonely and depressing street to another. And slowly my bus begins to fill up.

A Hispanic man, probably in his mid-thirties, sits down across from me and quickly becomes preoccupied with his smartphone. It’s just another day. And this is texting time for him, I guess. But what else is there to do on this city bus? We sort of acknowledge each other’s existence, but try to avoid making eye contact. You know how it is. Awkward.

He looks down and I look up and away – off into the distance. There is always more concrete coming. And more of this and that and the other thing. It never seems to end.

Longing for another place inspires many to change their own

After a few more blocks, I notice that my fellow traveller appears to look like I feel: tired and sad. Am I projecting my present feelings onto him? I don’t think so. There are lines around his eyes. We have this in common and many other things. And yet, he has a story to tell that I will never hear. And a life to live.

Two strangers on a big city bus.

Then, two English girls step inside and make their way to the back. They are both Caucasian and have shoulder-length hair. One is wearing dark sun glasses. Sitting down, they carry on a lively conversation and speak loud enough for everyone to hear. A little too loud. Sounds like they are good friends.

I’m not used to hearing English and almost feel guilty being able to understand what they are saying. Especially since they are talking about relationships and men and sex – right there on the bus. Mostly it’s about relationships gone bad, guys bothering them on Facebook, dates that didn’t work out, and other disappointments. The usually stuff.

Faithfulness is a foreign concept. As far as I can tell, the main point is to communicate that they are still desirable and available. It’s too bad that they struggle with their weight. Maybe, deep down, they feel like no one will ever really care. For them. Just as they are.

People continue to pour in as the bus plods along, and soon all the seats are taken.

A young girl of African descent is sitting next to me talking to her phone. I’m mean, really talking to her phone. She must have a FaceTime feature or something, although I’m not up on all these things. Once again, I can’t help but overhear the conversation. At least her side of the story.

She comes across as being happy and hopeful and confident. I hear about her plans to go back to school. Working at the restaurant will have to end then. Not enough time. She is thinking ahead. And I get the impression that she is careful with her money. She is able to communicate what she wants and has clear boundaries and goals. I am happy for her. Even though she is a stranger, I really am.

But there also seems to be an aching emptiness in her life. She wakes up and has a smoke. Goes to work and comes back home. Has another smoke and goes to bed. And that is about it. This happens over and over again. And for what purpose? Is there a purpose?

Is there more to life than this? seems to be the unspoken question. Later on, I wonder if she has ever read Ecclesiastes. Such an encouraging book in an odd sort of way.

The bus is moving faster now, and I am beginning to wish that this journey would end. I want to get off and get away and go home. To my true home. Yes, I mean heaven. It’s all broken here – in this town and in this life, in some way. It’s like this everywhere I go.

The next big city bus ride isn’t much better. The lady standing in line behind me had too much to drink and isn’t allowed to make the trip. This has happened before. And then, there’s the guy with the gun. Thankfully, they found it before he got on.

And so it goes. This time, I sit as close to the front as I can.

Paying attention to your life

A brief thought on a busy day:

Many things in this world will make you feel like your life doesn’t really matter. But it does. You might not be able to see and measure the difference that you make. But you do make a difference. You will make a difference.

So pay attention to your life. Try to make the best use of your life that you possibly can. Invest it wisely. Make it count. To borrow a phrase from a video linked to the previous post, “Give us what you have got!”

With that in mind, can you think of one specific and practical step you have recently taken in order to pursue your God-given potential and become all that you were intended to be? Would you feel comfortable telling people about it here at Career & Life Direction? Why don’t you take a moment to write down what you have recently decided to do and how you think it might fit with your larger life purpose. Send it on in. Here is the magical contact form.

And here are a few bizarre examples to get you thinking:

“Moving to the moon has been a long-term dream of mine. As I write this, I am half way up Mount Everest on my quest to get a little bit closer to my desired destination. The view up here is fantastic!”

“Joining a nudist colony has always been the only thing I really wanted to do with my life. The only problem is that where I live it is way too cold. But I have just decided to completely stop walking and drive absolutely everywhere I go in an attempt to accelerate global warming. Now if only I could figure out what to do about all the mosquitoes.”

“I recently decided to go back to school. And for no reason in particular. More or less just because. You see, I got a new VISA card to add to my collection and needed to find a way to spend the money. Your website has been a true inspiration in my life. Keep up the good work.”

Your comments will, of course, be much more inspirational. Feel free to include your name, city, country, and your brief written contribution to the cause.

And you never know. You just might encourage someone else to take the next significant step in their life.

Clarity and confusion

As you pursue your life purpose, do not be alarmed if from time to time you feel that doing so is completely pointless. Being overwhelmed with a sense of the futility of life – that is, the apparent absurdity of what everyone who has ever lived has done, thought, or said – is actually a positive experience. For this temporary despair will allow you to break out of the mainstream secular bubble, where people pretend that meaning can be perceived without God’s perspective, and finally breathe some fresh air.

Life is meaningless from a merely human perspective and pretending otherwise is, well…just pretending. Living as if God is a million miles away from reality and yet carrying on as if this blog matters or what you plan on doing later in the day makes a bit of difference is bizarre.

Clarifying your career direction, among other things, begins with a recognition that God is the only one who really knows the full point and the purpose of your life and mine. Details will always be lacking; some confusion is to be expected. But having confidence or faith in God will empower you as you seek to gain at least a glimpse of God’s larger purpose for your life.

Armed with a sense of personal direction, you will then be able to manage your own life under God. Rather than letting other people run your life, or wandering blindly trying this and that, you will be able to make decisions more easily and move ahead. No, you will not have all the information you want, but you may find that you do have some of the core and critical information you need. If someone suggests that you really ought consider devoting the next 15 years of your life to becoming a professional polka dancer, you can refer to your mission statement and make an informed decision.

This isn’t to say that your life will now be neat and tidy or safe and secure. But now, instead of dealing day by day with colossal career confusion you can focus your energy on dealing with many other challenges that you are sure to face in your life.