My responsibility

As you may have noticed, each one of us has a limited amount of time, energy, and money. Yes, I know, especially money. We just can’t be all things to all people or do absolutely everything for everyone. It’s impossible. And life gets crazy – really crazy – if we try.

But how do we know what is our responsibility and what is not our responsibility? This simple question is not always easy or straightforward to answer. Part of the problem is that each person is unique: We are similar and yet different. So my answer won’t look exactly the same as yours.

If, however, there was a reliable way to be able to say, “This is my responsibility and that is not!” we would find ourselves in a much better position. By way of a few examples, then:

We could avoid getting sidetracked so quickly
We could focus our time and energy more effectively
And we wouldn’t feel as frazzled and frustrated

Here is a brief exercise that could help you begin to clarify what you are personally responsible for. And it is quite simple, really.

Take a sheet of paper and draw three parallel lines that create four separate sections on your page. Then in the top left-hand corner write, “What is not my responsibility.” May I suggest that you emphasize the word “NOT” dramatically. If you have small children, bring one of them in with their crayons and let them go to work on this word.

You will be able to come up with all sorts of things that you are not responsible for. To get you started, though, here is what I wrote under this heading on my page: “I am not responsible to solve every problem facing every single person on this planet. God can, but I can’t”

Moving to the right, imagine that the first line you meet on the page is a concrete wall much like a temporary barricade yet up on a highway construction site. It is possible to regularly cross this line with extra effort, but it isn’t a good idea.

Then, from the vantage point of the second section of the page, write, “What is possibly my responsibility” at the very top. When in doubt, it is a good idea to begin with what is obvious and work towards what is less clear. This is where you will write down issues and situations that leave you scratching your head and wondering. It would be entirely appropriate to draw a question mark, or maybe a few, somewhere in this section.

Here in Canada, a runaway train loaded with oil recently slammed into a small town and burst into flames destroying much of the downtown core. Naturally, many people felt horrible about this tragedy and wanted to help in any way they could. All sorts of businesses began raising funds for the people in this town. But I wasn’t sure if this was a cause that I should attempt to support in a significant way or not. I just wasn’t sure. It was difficult to decide.

Crossing the second line, which appears to be a neat row of pylons a vehicle could drive through, you reach the other side. At the top of this section write, “What is partly my responsibility.” As you may have guessed, this is where you will record the tasks and projects and duties which you clearly share with other people. In many cases, you know that you have a role to play even though it isn’t the main part.

I don’t know how things work in your home, but in ours my wife tends to make most of the meals while I usually deal with the dirty dishes. Creativity is her strong point while dealing with background grunt work is my forte.

The final boundary line is the least obvious. Picturing a bright yellow line running down a piece of pavement should do. This fourth and final section is the most important and brings us to the main point of this entire exercise.e. For this is where you will write down, “What is my responsibility.” To hammer the point home more clearly you could write, “What is obviously and undeniable my responsibility!” And yes, it may be time to bring Billy back in with his crayons and set him to work on another word.

This is what you would read at the very top if this section on my page: “It is my responsibility to clarify my career and life direction. I can’t expect anyone to do this for me.” I need to decide and so do you.

*This post is also available in a YouTube video format

Out of control

Feeling like your life is out of control? There are times when it is necessary to allow others to have a large amount of control over your life. But usually this isn’t a good idea. Listen to a brief reflection (1:30) on the importance of having a healthy measure of personal control. Out of control

Problems and perspective

Consider the flowers

Try to identify which problems require your focused attention and which ones do not.

It doesn’t do much good, for example, to exert a large amount of personal energy on overwhelming global concerns. At the moment, there is talk of war between Israel and Iran and maybe a number of other nations. Not good. But what can you do about it? Not much.

This isn’t to suggest that praying is insignificant. But this is the issue: Where do you want to invest most of your limited time and energy? Stressing about a war that may or may not happen? I didn’t think so.

Anxiety is like a sponge: It soaks up everything around it. Turn your attention towards huge problems. Meditate on everything that is wrong in the world. Watch the news night after night and go to sleep nervous. One day you will wake up and realize that you have burned up an incredible amount of energy, and essentially wasted a large part of your life.

“So what did you do with all the energy you were given during your brief time on the earth?” Saint Peter might ask.

“Pete, things are really bad down there,” you reply, “Had to play it safe, you know. Got good and worried mostly.”

Is that how you want the conversation to play out when your time comes?

It is very important to regularly recognize that you are not God. And the last time I checked, is was quite obvious that neither am I. This world is filled with overwhelming problems from our perspective. It really is. Things are bad – in many ways. If you and I really knew all that was going on right now around the world we likely wouldn’t be able to sleep at all.

Consider one other example: At this very moment, America continues in its steadfast march towards economic Armageddon. Hey, what’s another trillion dollars when you are already 16 trillion in the red? And why would any politician even try to balance the budget now if it means political suicide? Whether you vote Democrat or Republican, nothing significant is going to change. Doom and gloom is definitely on the horizon in the not-too-distant future.

This is reality, my friend.

Are you worried? Are you concerned? Can you still sleep at night? At one level, you should be very concerned. But at the same, you shouldn’t let this catastrophic problem consume your energy. For this problem isn’t ultimately your concern or primarily your responsibility. It isn’t.

The idea is to focus your time and energy on what you are responsible for, and let God – and in this case the government – worry about the global economy and how to go about running the world.

Getting advice while growing up

Thomas didn’t understand what was going on. Resistance, a feeling of resistance, was growing deep inside. But resistance to what? He didn’t know. Couldn’t seem to put his finger on it. It was almost as if a wall was being built around his identity; perhaps a boundary was being defined. Whatever it was, something had changed. As a teenager and now even more as a young adult there had been a shift in his thinking, in his feeling. Was this the beginning of a bad attitude or just part of growing up? He wasn’t sure.

Ellen felt the same way. She found herself pulling back as of late. Like a spring that was being compressed she was was getting ready. But ready for what? It was hard to say. One thing was clear though: her thoughts, her feelings, her preferences, her interests, here opinions, and her convictions were beginning to take shape. What had been presented or imposed from the outside, by others, was meeting with resistance on the inside now. Restless, she felt so restless and just wanted to get away. She needed some space to come alive, some room to breath. Why did she feel this way? Was this normal?